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IwAsAbLe2EsCaPe
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Name: Alone
Location: United States
Birthday: 2/15/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: i like being myself, i love 2 watch tv and listen 2 music. lots of different types of music also.well i stopped cutting myself because i was making many people unhappy. and ya well life i don't really want people 2 knoe wat i really feel. i would rather them find out a little later with me telling them.
Message: message me
Member Since:
7/14/2004
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| So i haven't updated but not lots of good stuff has happened its been pretty boring. but yesterday i found out where my mom had hid the tequila that was in the house. and im taking shots i love it. but after 3 shots i get buzzed. and i am like that right now so i feel weird thinking of going 2 sleep already. well omg its already gonna be 10 i didn't knoe that i thought it was like 8 or 7 im stupid. time moves slow an im just like everything is moving so slow. good news is that on tuesday i might be able to get black and milds which i s cigarv or something like that. and im buying coke from this girl and chronic from this guy. they both tel me they we sell it 4 me 4 cheap. well hopefully i get the money. ya well i really have a headache. might be the 4 pills i had or the three shots. oh wel need the rest bye. ill tell u laterz y frank broke up with me. | | |
| sorri i haven't updated lately just been busy god damn it too much homework. well nuthin knew happened i guess. wait let me think......*sigh* well 4 drama were doing sumthing kinda funny we have 2 act out these scenes and i have 2 act one out with this freakin i mean freakin huge as in tall guy. its funny. well thats the only thing good. and well like always i feel as if lety uses me but oh well u know shes not hurting me she just lost a good friend. now i just consider her my friend thats why i dunt tell her everything in life no more. well i might sound jealous but she only talks 2 me and gladys in drama when darlene is talking 2 sum1 else. same in geometry, but she practically never talks 2 me there. ohh and she calls me only 2 help her with her homework . ya well. shes hurting herelf because resently i found out that not alot of te people that went 2 arroyo like lety. its kinda obvious when pplz just talk 2 u when they need sumthing and don't talk 2 u when they don't. oh well but shes just weird i guess cause shes nice in her only little way. she just changed alot because now shes like a wannabe cool person. and i guess im just me and i don't want 2 change that. how bout that i wrote an essay god damn it. well life is good i saw the guy i used 2 like again. yesterday cause he had a party and he goes 2 franklin yay. well hes in a track that kinda sux. but hes in tenth grade . he just turned 15 nad then yesterday i got 2 dance with him and even though i didn't want 2 admit it i was HAPPY. so nothing else i gotta go need 2 finish homeowrk ok bye every1. | | |
| - burn  ya well should have known this was comming. it was all 2 good 2 be true. well frank broke up with me, but wat could i have expected if i was the one who kinda leaded him in2 it. even though i don't want 2 admit it 2 ne1 i did get really sad when i first read the email. i even decided i was gonna cut myself. but i would be such a big hypocrite if i did. so ididn't . as 4 relationship it was meant 2 end sonner or later. well the truth is i kinda did want it 2 end because i was so confused about my feelings. well i wrote this poem but its stupid. well here it goes.
I was such a fool to believe in you
I was so dumb to think it was true
It was all a lie
I should have noticed
Your smile was such a fake
I knew it was not mine to take
Your words meant nothing
It was just a something they had to hide
I should have known there was no happy ending
It was just me fading.
Deep down inside
bye | | |
| well my dad finally left yesterday 2 miami, florida cause my uncle his brother has cancer and is gonna be operated. so ya. life hasn't been that bad i guess, but i do feel as if te stuff thats happeneing is my fault. cause its my fault frankie is becomming so distant. its always me *sobbing*  i know he can't call me and i still don't call him myself. i was so happy that everything was gonna get better but i do't feel like it even will ne more its just gonna be like i always hoped my family would get back 2getther and we would all be happy. i thought i would finally have a happy ending. nut it just couldn't. just when i put the knife i hid in my room back in2 the kitchen drawer. nothing seems 2 be going well. i wish there was sum1 that understands. i don't need words i don't need advice i need people that actually care 4 me. u see if my mom @ least 1 time gave me a hug when i really felt sad that would make me feel better. i would feel wanted and not alone.
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| well 2day im glad i got outta skool early because i didn't have 2 go 2 drama class becasue them i didn't have 2 feel ignored by lety. well i kinda feel that way because when im near them im sumtimes excluded of conversations. well thats life u win sums u lose sums. and with frankie j. (like dora calls him) well i dun no wats wrong. i wish i could tell him how i feel but the truth is i dun no how i feel. im confused inside. i used to really really like him but then when i found out he liked me i kinda dun no wat happened. i dun no how i feel. i guess casue i don't see him. also i feel as if he doesn't trust me. y should he if i don't trust myself. well i have many problems 2 think bout. mostly my mom getting worried 4 my 15 and is always bugging 2 ask my dad 4 money. well let me say this 1st. my parents aren't divorced. my dad is just kinda seperated 4rm us. im an only child i was gonna have an older brother but my mom had a miscarriage. so im close 2 my mom. but i never tell her wat i really feel inside because she tends 2 ignore me. i knoe it because shes always busy and has thing 2 do. but sumtimes i feell like screamming as loud as i could telling her that im right here im open i feel everything.i hate talking 2 her when shes stressed because then she says tuff that really hurts me i knoe she doesn't mean it but the words hit me as knives stabbing my heart. she then msakes me feel like trash. i should be used 2 this by now cause it happens like everyday . but i see her face i stare @ her eyes and i can feel her anger the hatred in her eyez. it hurts more than nething. i feel as if i drown in my tears and in those moments the pain is just so real i wish to end everything. i might sound dramatic but i really feel that way. casue its my mom. the person that most loves u. 2 see that hatred mkaes u feel as if worthless 2 nething else. these r sum of the reasons y i cut myself. i knoe its a stupid thing 2 do but sumtimes that distracts me 4rm feeling ths real pain 2 a pian that will easily go away. ya. so back to my dad. well hes been cheating on my mom since i was like 4 about 10 years ago. and nothing is better.i grew thats it. well don't think my mom is stupid she knoes bout it but she tries 2 hide it so no1 will no. i don't like it cause im the 1 who gets all the rejected stuff and pain when sumthing doesn't go as she plans. im the one blamed. sumtimes i wish i had a brother that could help share the pain. just 2 take a load off my back 4rm trying 2 be perfect around every1 just 4 my mom. eventhough i knoe its not true. well talk laterz casue i dun want 2 cry specially cause my moms home and will ask many ?s | | |
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